Mad, Sad, or Bad

 Chasing Lilly, Children, Foster children, Fostering  Comments Off on Mad, Sad, or Bad
Nov 282014
Children need to feel safe.

Children need to feel safe.

Lilly seemed to always feel mad, sad, or bad. There wasn’t much in between. She didn’t trust anyone, because nobody in her young life  could be counted on or trustworthy.

John Simmons is a very real parent of children with many issues, and he has an informative blog that I like. Here is a link to a recent one that he did about RAD children and their emotions.

A Few Things to Try with an Anxious Child

 Children, Foster children, Fostering  Comments Off on A Few Things to Try with an Anxious Child
Nov 252014

Sometimes a child’s anxiety comes out in ways that mask what’s really going on. Maybe he or she is crying over something seemingly unimportant, or he is extra irritable and acting out. It could be that you are seeing those things because he is anxious about something.

Try to pin-point when the anxiety first began. What happened around that time? Was he exposed to new people? Alone with someone who could have hurt or scared him? That’s thinking the worst, but go from there to exploring a possible school bully, trouble learning a subject in school, maybe a dog in the neighborhood that makes him want to stay inside.

Kids sometimes do not want to say why they are anxious or afraid, or maybe they couldn’t put a finger on it if you asked them.

Try to make one-on-one time where things are calm and quiet, and play with the child and see if you can eventually get him to open up. Consider seeing a physician to explore other possibilities if the answers do not come. Also, Play Therapy has helped many children.

Let your child know that you are there to listen to them and protect them, and that they can come to you. Keep your antennas up, but don’t allow yourself to become anxious as well, because that will make matters worse.  💡  -Nealie

Nov 182014

I remember calling a friend once, and her little girl answered the phone. I asked if I could speak to her mommy, but the child responded, “No. She sitting on the potty.”

Even after all these years, I still never know what Lilly is going to say. Truthfully, it scares me sometimes. She can say something so sweet about me, and when that happens, relief sweeps over me and I can breathe again. Or she can say something about me that is totally unexpected, and whether or not it is actually true, it settles down into the minds of those who heard it, and they make their own assumptions.

If something is really off-base, and I feel totally misrepresented, I will take it up with her -usually in private. The neat thing about Lilly is that she will admit when she is wrong and apologize. For example:

We are at a store, and Lilly sees a woman straighten out her unruly child.

“Hey, you do what you gotta do. My mom here, she don’t take no crap from me. No -she’d kick my you-know-what if I did that!”

I look at Lilly, horrified.

“Oh, I’m sorry Mom. I should watch my mouth around little kids. But I didn’t SAY the word.”

No mention that I don’t ever kick her whatever.

The mother looks carefully at me. (Well she should, because I am capable of violence. Just ask Lilly.)

I am staying calm . . .I am trying!   😥 Nealie