Author: NealieRose

“I Don’t Think We Can Do This Much Longer.”

That’s something so many people say when they are struggling with a traumatized child.

Specifically, a Developmental Trauma Disorder child, like Lilly. Or like your DTD child.

What I would say to you is this:

  1.  Stay safe! Physically stay safe. Keep other children out of the path of danger. Lock yourself in a room and call the police if you feel in danger. You cannot help the DTD child (or any other kids in the house) if you are injured. Deal with broken windows later…better that than a broken you.
  2.  If you are having trouble being believed about the craziness and danger, secretly film it. I never had to do this because I was believed, but do it if you need to. Ann and Marty Wells in Chasing Lilly had to film Lilly to be believed. (If the child knows you are doing the filming it will up the ante for them, so do it secretly.)
  3.  Don’t hesitate to allow police intervention. We had the police involved many times, and at the beginning they didn’t want to do anything but lecture our little darling because she was sooooo little. (What self-respecting officer is going to haul a 50 pound little kid to the police station?) But after a while the lectures end, and they call an ambulance for a psychiatric trip to the hospital. More and more, younger children are ending up with police interventions, and it’s scary! But if it is the only way to eventually get help for that child then it has to be done. If your kid is a teen they will be charged with unruly child, assault, etc., and sent to a juvenile detention center. Once there, if the center cannot handle them, then you have even more documentation and hopefully the needed services will be made available. Nobody wants to pay for anything or pay attention to the huge need for help, until the chaos is in their corner.
  4.  Never give up on being therapeutic! But do it from a safe place.

Love my Readers,

Nealie

 

 

 

We Made the Right Decision

That’s a picture of me poppin’ a wheelie!

What did I do that’s so great? I stuck it out with Lilly, even though some may say I gave up when she moved from our home to a facility.

I’m still here, 19 years later, talking to her almost daily on the phone, and seeing her when we can.

Having Lilly go to a facility was the only option for her safety and the safety of others.

It could have been Lilly beating me up, or me beating myself up for “giving up,” but actually neither has happened. It is what it is, and we stay safe physically , mentally, and emotionally.

There’s a book called The Connected Child. (It’s listed in my references.) There is so much in it that can help a traumatized child, and I encourage you to read it. I wish we’d had it as a resource early on, but we didn’t.

But, I don’t believe our outcome would have changed, because Lilly can be dangerous, and I (we) need to be able to sleep at night. Not, “Lilly, we are working on your healing, so please don’t attack me until it’s complete.”

We made the right decision. Lilly doesn’t have a bad life at all. She has a different life, because it’s one designed around safety for all.

-Nealie