Lilly is in a Good Spot

 Chasing Lilly, Life's Difficulties, RAD parenting  Comments Off on Lilly is in a Good Spot
Feb 102019

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Just a few months ago I was at the end of my wits trying to figure out where Lilly could live safely. She had quite a year as far as bad events go.

She was accepted at one of those $600 a day facilities, paid for by taxpayers, of which I am one. No place was working out safely. I am grateful she is still alive -that’s how dangerous things have been.

She was eventually able to get into the place because we hadn’t adopted her. If we had, it would have been way more difficult, if at all. That’s unfair if you have an adopted child in the same situation unless you have a caseworker and/or a team of people working to help you. I think we had about five people on the team who were alarmed by the constant calls, emails, and MUI’s (Major Unusual Incidents), and that is SO different from one or two parents struggling on their own.

I feel for you if you are in that group! It would be so nice if there was a questionnaire/scale that would be a way to evaluate who gets to be accepted into the residential environment, rather than money or insurance. The mental health system needs fixed in a big way. If there was an admittance scale, and data submitted was documented by professionals who worked with your child (regardless of insurance), then the people who really qualified would get the help they needed.

Many more facilities would have to open to provide care for them, because many people have been left without treatment because of our broken system. The government is trying to save money by closing many of these residential centers, but it will cost society in other ways if these folks don’t get help.

I don’t know exactly how long Lilly will be allowed to stay…We heard a date, but with Lilly’s behaviors it could go past the date. They can say, “We will approve a three (or six) month stay,” but what are they going to do with her at the end of that time period if she isn’t stable? The last “three month stay” turned into twenty months.

So as long as it lasts I will rest, (in my mind at least), and know she’s in the most capable hands there are (other than God’s).  And no, that’s not Lilly in the picture if you were wondering, but it conveyed what I was feeling.


P.S. Remember to tell your friends who listen to Amazon Audibles that Chasing Lilly is a book on Audibles. The narrator did a fantastic job!

Is it Truth or Fiction?

 Chasing Lilly  Comments Off on Is it Truth or Fiction?
Jan 112019


First I will say that Lilly never lies about everyday stuff (like what, when, where), for a normal routine day. She states the facts.

Next, I will concede that she enjoys telling new people made-up and entertaining things. (Like she used to be a drug addict or that I raise pet skunks.)

Then there are stories that she tells me about things gone awry in her life. Sometimes I don’t know what to do with what she tells me. I ask myself did that really happen? If I reported everything she said, nobody would take me seriously. This balance is so hard for me.

Most of Lilly’s stories are true, but it’s so hard to tell sometimes. Can anybody relate? One time she told me that someone sat on her because she was acting out and injured her. I listened, and decided it was an exaggeration because she was mad at a caregiver.

I was wrong. We later found out (after a few days of complaining of pain and an x-ray), that Lilly had a broken bone. I should have reported it at the time she told me.

And then there is also one more type of fact vs. fiction that we run into with Lilly. There have been some times where she was in a manic mode and didn’t realize what she did or broke, and vehemently denied doing what she clearly did, because she didn’t remember doing it.

I would never classify Lilly as a liar because she is mostly truthful, but there certainly are times that require mental sifting and deliberation.

Love my readers,








Jan 022019


When we saw Lilly on Christmas, she handed us this letter:

happy holldays

Mommy i am

so so so

sorry For

Not going

shopping For

you guys.

i still Love

you guys

and i am happy

that you toku

your time

out oF

your day

Just to see


By Lilly

to mom And dad

🙂 Now I ask you, who doesn’t like to get a thank you? 🙂 -Nealie


Dec 202018

Canva - Cocoa, Hot Chocolate, Cookies, Marshmallows, Mug, Blue

Hi Readers,

Today I spent over six hours sorting through papers to organize Lilly’s past few years of living. That’s a lot of papers! I totaled up thirty-six times that she has been moved since she was 3 years old.

Thirty-six. Makes you want to cry, doesn’t it?

Lilly doesn’t do well in the community. Never has. That’s why she’s had to move so many times. Lilly needs a residential facility where she can live, work at simple jobs, and leave to go on (earned) outings. They are kind of like little cities, and they serve a need.

The problem is the cost. In Chasing Lilly, I mention that they cost over $200 a day, but inflation has changed that to almost $600 A DAY! No wonder Lilly has to be a repeated danger to herself or others to be admitted. Nobody is willing to foot that bill, so it’s always the last resort. And it’s always temporary.

Santa, we really need more of these places to open, and more people to be able to utilize them. There has to be a way to bring costs down and make them an actual place to live long-term.

Get your red thinking cap on.