Category: Chasing Lilly

Please Somebody, Let’s Change This Up!


I don’t remember school fundraisers where teachers were duct-taped to the wall when my kids were in school.

These days, if a student takes a dollar to school, he gets one strip of duct tape to use on the teacher. Two dollars buys two strips, etc. It seems like pretty harmless fun.

But it’s not!

When I watched this happen a few months ago, one young adopted Asian girl was crying, and it occurred to me that some students might not be able to process what was taking place. They might be the youngest kids, the special needs, adopted, and/or trauma kids.

Lilly, for example would have gone ballistic if she’d seen it. I just know, because she was tied up when she was little, and she remembers.

I think even now in her twenties, she would have a hard time with it, because although it is not technically abusive, it could be perceived that way and trigger certain emotions.

This could also apply to a child that endures unreported abuse at home. This “duct-taping to a wall” activity could ruin the day for them. Completely. And it needs to stop.

So should schools quit the teacher-taping fun? Yes. Besides the trauma aspect, I feel it also borders on disrespect toward those in authority.

Why not see how big a “duct tape ball” could be made instead?

Break a record, not a heart.



We Made the Right Decision

That’s a picture of me poppin’ a wheelie!

What did I do that’s so great? I stuck it out with Lilly, even though some may say I gave up when she moved from our home to a facility.

I’m still here, 19 years later, talking to her almost daily on the phone, and seeing her when we can.

Having Lilly go to a facility was the only option for her safety and the safety of others.

It could have been Lilly beating me up, or me beating myself up for “giving up,” but actually neither has happened. It is what it is, and we stay safe physically , mentally, and emotionally.

There’s a book called The Connected Child. (It’s listed in my references.) There is so much in it that can help a traumatized child, and I encourage you to read it. I wish we’d had it as a resource early on, but we didn’t.

But, I don’t believe our outcome would have changed, because Lilly can be dangerous, and I (we) need to be able to sleep at night. Not, “Lilly, we are working on your healing, so please don’t attack me until it’s complete.”

We made the right decision. Lilly doesn’t have a bad life at all. She has a different life, because it’s one designed around safety for all.