Category: Foster children

The Lone Rager (Spelled Correctly!)


Tommy drew this picture after watching an old black and white movie. I like the innocence of the picture, because the Lone Ranger was a good guy. But it made me think of the real life “lone ragers” who are out there waiting to explode and hurt people. A lot of them seem to have trauma histories, and the mental help they needed wasn’t provided.

As the parent of a trauma child, do you ever feel like nobody is listening to your cries for help? Like you’re yelling down a big empty hole in the ground, and it’s all for nothing?

You write a letter asking for help for your special needs child or a situation concerning that child, and you get no response? You leave emails and messages to people who might be able to help, but don’t get back answers, or the answers are vague an non-commital?

That’s all too familiar. But I notice that the yelling for help for our Trauma Kids is increasing, and if enough of us yell down the hole (so to speak), there’s bound to be an eventual earthquake!

We need  more resources to be provided to schools and teachers trained on childhood trauma. Residential facilities must be available when people and kids need to be kept safe, (They keep closing! WHY???)  And respites are needed for families of these kids.

Don’t give up. Yell, because these kids aren’t going away. You don’t want to read about another trauma kid being the next “Lone Rager” who endangers society.


How to Stay Calm in RAD Land

Canva-Field-of-Flowers-Nealie-RoseIf you are a parent of a Developmental Trauma or RAD child, it’s the hardest thing to stay calm. I know first-hand. (See page 168 of Chasing Lilly when I could have creamed Lilly in the locker room, lol!)

There are some things that you can do to help stay calm.

When your child acts out in a big way, don’t say a n y t h i n g. Secure the area for safety, and as long as nobody is in danger, keep quiet. At least until you can think clearly instead of react. Your heart may be hammering so hard inside your rib cage that you think you’ll stroke out, but staying quiet instead of screaming helps, if you can do it. 🙂

Pay attention to your body’s signals. Do you clentch your fists when you are angry? Then when that begins, make a point of holding your hands open so that you can’t form a stress-fist. If you clamp your jaw or grind your teeth before a rage, make a point of keeping your jaw relaxed and slightly open. Do you get all red and hot? Put an ice cube on your forehead or in your mouth. You can close your eyes and breathe for a minute while you pray.

Doing these things could actually help you keep from doing something foolish while you work on an appropriate response to your child.


P.S. If you’ve never listened to an audio book and would like to try Audibles so you can listen to Chasing Lilly, here’s the link!