Dec 012017


It wasn’t on Thanksgiving, but we did get our Chinese food. ūüôā I thought my¬†fortune cookie paper was ALL wrong, though. “The greatest effort is not concerned with results.”

I wonder what Michelangelo would have thought of that while he worked on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel? Or to make it a little more personal, what about the person who is busting their butt to try to get into shape? Not concerned with results?? Or training for a race?¬†Trying for an¬†essay award? To simply cook a nice meal for the family? Who doesn’t care that their laundry results are good? We all like clean clothes.

I know when I worked with Lilly (and still work with her), that I work with the hope of results -maybe small ones, but I cannot stop hoping and expecting.

And then there are the parents of severely handicapped kids, who put out day-after-day, week-after-week, year-after-year. What if there never will be any results? What if that child is basically a vegetable, and there never will be any change? Maybe that’s what this fortune is talking about, because¬†LOVE¬†is the only thing that can¬†be at the center¬†of the greatest effort not concerned with results.

Put that in your fortune cookie,


Oct 052017

Bruce¬†wore tiger-striped reading glasses today. Some I picked up from the dollar store. He has no fashion sense and doesn’t care, so it’s amusing when he is accidentally in style.

He needed a bandage because he just had something on his face¬†treated by the dermatologist. So I heard him yell, “Don’t tell me this is all we have for bandaids?”

I responded, “What? You don’t like bright purple ones? Lime green? How about the ones with hearts? Oh, and we have¬†some with Minions on them!”

Tiger stripes framed¬†the resignation in his eyes. He must have sensed what was not fashionable right then. Imagine that. ūüôā

Bruce has always had my back. I wouldn’t have been able to do what I did with Lilly without him. Working with a traumatized child is an uphill climb, and you have to have some help along the way. Maybe the “Bruce” in your life is a close friend, a brother, or a group of parents supporting each other. Don’t try to go for any length of time by yourself.

Where can you find some support? Try your local foster agency, either county or private. They will know about support groups. Ask around if you belong to a church. Here are organizations that are helpful:

BEYOND Trauma and Attachment (BETA)  A Facebook open support group . They offer humor, information, and retreats.

Attachment & Trauma Network (ATN)   Great international resource with a crisis hotline: 888-656-9806.

The National Institute for Trauma and Loss in Children is on Face Book. TLC 

Institute for Attachment and Child Development IACD

See my RESOURCE tab on the home page for more help. <3 Nealie

*(Minions is a trademark of Universal City Studios LLC)


Aug 012017

Some time ago, a relative buried his mother. Not long after, he and his brother and father went to the gravesite to see the newly delivered gravestone. They took pictures, and he showed me a photo of the headstone on his cell phone.

It was an ornately carved, big, beautiful piece of marble. But something was wrong, and I noticed it right away.

“Your last name is spelled wrong,” I commented.

He thought I was joking, and I had to tell him to LOOK at the picture.

He was shocked. “I can’t believe it! How did we miss that?!”

I understood how three people could miss something so obvious. And it was their own last name, for Pete’s sake. It was because emotional turmoil blinded them.

That’s why those of us¬†working with people who have mental health problems need a team of people to¬†shape how we¬†view¬†things. I don’t know how we could have seen our way all these years with Lilly, without the different team member’s input and insight, because of the continual emotional upheaval and exhaustion.¬†These team members have been guardians, social workers, doctors, medication RN’s, and therapists. And sometimes, it’s a friend who visits Lilly and notices something I don’t, because I am too close to the situation.

My advice is to take advice, as long as it goes with your gut feeling of what is right. Don’t try to be all and do all. You will need help along this journey.

<3 Nealie






Over the Edge

 Chasing Lilly, Life's Difficulties  Comments Off on Over the Edge
Apr 112017

When Bruce and I were at the Grand Canyon, I honestly enjoyed the clouds more than the mile-deep craters that a person could fall into. I had no interest getting close to the edge of anything remotely high.

Nealie Rose

Bruce kept telling me there was nothing to worry about, while I stayed seated on park benches as he got closer to nature.

Later, we were in a Grand Canyon  restaurant and gift store, and I saw a book for sale. Guess what it was called?

Over the Edge: Death in the Grand Canyon by Michael Ghiglieri Wow! I didn’t read it, but the title confirmed a few things for me.

That brings me to what I want to mention.

This month is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. And sometime average people under severe stress (and without needed supports) go over the edge and become abusive to their children.

Here are four scenarios that demonstrate how that can happen, and interventions. If you are interested in preventing child abuse, see what you can learn from these scenarios.

Love my readers, Nealie