Category: RAD parenting

Please Somebody, Let’s Change This Up!

Break-a-Record

I don’t remember school fundraisers where teachers were duct-taped to the wall when my kids were in school.

These days, if a student takes a dollar to school, he gets one strip of duct tape to use on the teacher. Two dollars buys two strips, etc. It seems like pretty harmless fun.

But it’s not!

When I watched this happen a few months ago, one young adopted Asian girl was crying, and it occurred to me that some students might not be able to process what was taking place. They might be the youngest kids, the special needs, adopted, and/or trauma kids.

Lilly, for example would have gone ballistic if she’d seen it. I just know, because she was tied up when she was little, and she remembers.

I think even now in her twenties, she would have a hard time with it, because although it is not technically abusive, it could be perceived that way and trigger certain emotions.

This could also apply to a child that endures unreported abuse at home. This “duct-taping to a wall” activity could ruin the day for them. Completely. And it needs to stop.

So should schools quit the teacher-taping fun? Yes. Besides the trauma aspect, I feel it also borders on disrespect toward those in authority.

Why not see how big a “duct tape ball” could be made instead?

Break a record, not a heart.

-Nealie

 

Lilly is in a Good Spot

Canva -Boerboel-Peanut-Bulldog-Ballotade-Dog-Beast

Just a few months ago I was at the end of my wits trying to figure out where Lilly could live safely. She had quite a year as far as bad events go.

She was accepted at one of those $600 a day facilities, paid for by taxpayers, of which I am one. No place was working out safely. I am grateful she is still alive -that’s how dangerous things have been.

She was eventually able to get into the place because we hadn’t adopted her. If we had, it would have been way more difficult, if at all. That’s unfair if you have an adopted child in the same situation unless you have a caseworker and/or a team of people working to help you. I think we had about five people on the team who were alarmed by the constant calls, emails, and MUI’s (Major Unusual Incidents), and that is SO different from one or two parents struggling on their own.

I feel for you if you are in that group! It would be so nice if there was a questionnaire/scale that would be a way to evaluate who gets to be accepted into the residential environment, rather than money or insurance. The mental health system needs fixed in a big way. If there was an admittance scale, and data submitted was documented by professionals who worked with your child (regardless of insurance), then the people who really qualified would get the help they needed.

Many more facilities would have to open to provide care for them, because many people have been left without treatment because of our broken system. The government is trying to save money by closing many of these residential centers, but it will cost society in other ways if these folks don’t get help.

I don’t know exactly how long Lilly will be allowed to stay…We heard a date, but with Lilly’s behaviors it could go past the date. They can say, “We will approve a three (or six) month stay,” but what are they going to do with her at the end of that time period if she isn’t stable? The last “three month stay” turned into twenty months.

So as long as it lasts I will rest, (in my mind at least), and know she’s in the most capable hands there are (other than God’s).  And no, that’s not Lilly in the picture if you were wondering, but it conveyed what I was feeling.

-Nealie

P.S. Remember to tell your friends who listen to Amazon Audibles that Chasing Lilly is a book on Audibles. The narrator did a fantastic job!