Category: Uncategorized

Phone Calls


I could tell it was Lilly by the number on my phone…

“Hi Lilly, how are you?”

“Mom, you won’t believe what I just found,” she said.

Always curious I asked, “What?”

“Girl, I was stressing out that I lost my phone, but I found it in my coat pocket.”


Lilly has a way of talking that cracks me up!

She still loves the leopard print shoes, sunglasses, clothes, hair dye, and any and all bling.

That gets a little scary when we go out because she isn’t able to process why she gets so many looks from people, and sometimes gets angry when someone (who she deems suspicious) stares at her.

Now if it’s a cute male, she basks in the glow of his stares and stares back. (Me? I just want to get the meal over and leave!)


Sometimes she’ll call and sound off about something that I cannot fix. Those calls usually end with her hanging up on me after she says, “You are making me really mad, and I am saying goodbye now.” Click.

I think it’s great that Lilly is learning to express herself without profanities, don’t you? But I’m pretty sure the words she wants to let loose on me are often directed toward staff after the call. Oh well.

A daily call to or from Lilly is the norm here. During this time of quarantines and distancing we are talking more than once some days, but the problem becomes what is there to talk about? It’s not exactly like life is overflowing with exciting happenings these days. I did tell her yesterday that because of the quarantines we wouldn’t be able to see her for Easter, and she burst into tears and said goodbye.

That was not a great subject to bring up, but unfortunately this is how life is right now. If any of you have any interesting news that I could relay to her, tell me, please. I’m running out of things to talk to Lilly about, lol! When you don’t leave the house there aren’t many things to see. These times are challenging in many ways, including daily phone calls.

I’m definitely not sitting around all day, but the things I do on a daily basis are not interesting to Lilly, and we can only talk about the cat (who sleeps all day) so many times. ­čÖé Sometimes talking about a family member that she misses makes it worse, because she feels left out of the loop. I struggle with what to share sometimes because Lilly truly is sensitive.

Suggestions are welcome!

Love my readers, Nealie



I Don’t Think We Can Do This Much Longer

That’s something so many people say when they are struggling with a traumatized child.

Specifically, a Developmental Trauma Disorder child, like Lilly. Or like your DTD child.

What I would say to you is this:

  1. ┬áStay safe! Physically stay safe. Keep other children out of the path of danger. Lock yourself in a room and call the police if you feel in danger. You cannot help the DTD child (or any other kids in the house) if you are injured. Deal with broken windows later…better that than a broken you.
  2.  If you are having trouble being believed about the craziness and danger, secretly film it. I never had to do this because I was believed, but do it if you need to. Ann and Marty Wells in Chasing Lilly had to film Lilly to be believed. (If the child knows you are doing the filming it will up the ante for them, so do it secretly.)
  3. ┬áDon’t hesitate to allow police intervention. We had the police involved many times, and at the beginning they didn’t want to do anything but lecture our little darling because she was sooooo little. (What self-respecting officer is going to haul a 50 pound little kid to the police station?) But after a while the lectures end, and they call an ambulance for a psychiatric trip to the hospital. More and more, younger children are ending up with police interventions, and it’s scary! But if it is the only way to eventually get help for that child then it has to be done. If your kid is a teen they will be charged with unruly child, assault, etc., and sent to a juvenile detention center. Once there, if the center cannot handle them, then you have even more documentation and hopefully the needed services will be made available. Nobody wants to pay for anything or pay attention to the huge need for help, until the chaos is in their corner.
  4.  Never give up on being therapeutic! But do it from a safe place.

Love my Readers,