Nov 092018
 

Canva-Dry-leaves

 

Ah, the lure of nicotine! When Lilly was younger she used to call out people about their smoking, telling them they should not be doing that. It used to agitate her a lot when people smoked near her, because her birth parents burned her with cigarettes when she was under the age of two.

Despicable and horrifying as that is, Lilly’s mother was a fourth generation foster child herself, and she may have repeated ugly things done to her when she was a little girl. If people don’t know how to break a chain of violence  or addiction, it continues through generations until someone does break that chain.

Back to the smoking. Lilly found out about nicotine gum, and would ask for it whenever she had a hospital admission, which was frequently. I found out last week that Lilly is smoking two real cigarettes a day at her group home. They are lit for her outside, and staff keeps the lighter.

Lilly is in her twenties. She doesn’t get to drive, have a real job, get married, have kids, or do anything that she sees “normal people” do. (That’s what she calls you and me.) And she is frequently angry about that, because she observes the differences between her life and others her age. She’s no dummy.

I have fought back on this for years because it’s not healthy. Is anything in her life healthy? The psychotropic drugs? The many other various medications? The lack of any exercise? Eating only high carb, greasy foods because that’s all she wants? Remember the lady that made me laugh all the way home in Chasing Lilly, because she told Lilly to try OxyClean? (trademark) Why would a girl who wipes her mouth on her shirt, care if her shirt was white and clean? It’s not that I don’t care about Lilly. You all know I do, but some things are too impossible to fight, and I have enough other battles.

So let her smoke.

-Nealie

 

 

  2 Responses to “Lilly is Smoking”

  1. From your last post, which I am late reading, I see that you are trying to keep your head above water and am glad you realize the importance of taking care of yourself first. When we are in an airplane, they tell you to put on your air mask first and then help put it on your child. The reason… If you pass out first, there’s no way you can help your child and be for them. You are in my prayers!

    • Thank you, Sherree! I so appreciate the support. It has been a year like no other, but I’m going to say that it will get better. 🙂

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