Parenting the child with Reactive Attachment Disorder or Oppositional Defiant Disorder doesn’t always look like the parenting of a child who hasn’t experienced trauma.
The loving parameters are set even though the shake-ups never seem to end. Parenting a “normal” child is difficult enough, but the parents of these other kids must invent their parenting continually, and it doesn’t always look like “good” parenting to the general public.
It’s disguised sometimes and appears uncaring, hardened, or even abusive at times.
I shared a part of my story in Chasing Lilly (on facebook) and tell about a time that we had new friends over for dinner. The man was appalled that we wouldn’t allow Lilly to join us at the table during the meal.
You never know what’s behind the glasses, as in my picture here. What that man didn’t see was the fact that Lilly had destroyed a pie, written on furniture, spit in defiance, and she had already eaten her dinner before they came. But she was as sweet as a puppy while they were there, which made us appear to be hard-hearted.
That’s one reason I wrote Chasing Lilly. People need to know that someone’s parenting is not always what you see. And that can go both ways. -Nealie