I had two grandchildren with me when I happened to see Lora. She has a 12 year old daughter with RAD (Developmental Trauma). Before we parted she said, “You make it look so easy.”
I kept thinking about that. We had lots of hard times with Lilly for years. Lilly is being cared for now by full time professionals, and she does not live with us, as told in Chasing Lilly. It wasn’t easy!
Things look different now. Lilly isn’t in my home, cannot hurt me physically, cannot run away from home, cannot hurt pets or break my windows.
Is life easy now? I still talk to her at least once a day, often listening to rantings, and sometimes she hangs up on me. That’s fun. I have multiple emails and meetings concerning Lilly, and we visit her.
When she is doing well, and I feel safe, she comes home for 4 to 6 hours for a visit. That’s all I can handle, and it’s hard not to be anxious while she is here. I find myself going over things in my head like:
Did I put away the knives and scissors? Are medications that were in the bathroom put away? Where are the cats? Will she take a “no” in a good way, or will it set her off? Will she run away while she is here? Where did I leave the candle-lighter? Should I check her pockets?
Almost every time she comes Lilly asks me why she can’t stay the night. I tell her she is too old to spend the night, and grown daughters don’t do that. I don’t tell her she can’t because I wouldn’t be able to sleep with her in the house. She’s told me too many times about a dream she’s had of killing me with a knife. But I think she knows why she can’t stay over without going into it.
Yes, I make it look easy, but it must be because I’m in a safe spot in my life now. I pray all my friends with RAD children will get to a safe spot eventually, and that they will have more success healing trauma in the lives of their children. That’s what needs to happen. Healing.